World's Biggest BLT

My favorite sandwich is a BLT. It is the most delicious thing to eat and if I see it on a menu, I usually order it. The best BLT I've ever had was at this strange little hole in the wall restaurant at the Grand Canyon. I can't tell you why it was so perfect. Maybe it was the bread. The consistency of the bacon. The fresh tomatoes. The crispy lettuce. Whatever it was, I will never forget that sandwich. But now.. that sandwich has some competition! I was watching some show on the Travel Channel about the world's biggest sandwiches and they showcased the world's biggest BLT... right in Michigan! Not only was it right in Michigan, it's near Birch Run... a place I used to drive by everytime my family would visit our cottage. How could I have missed this for so many years? Well, in just over a week, I will be making my way to that diner and I can't wait. I will be sure to post a picture of what is sure to be one of the greatest lunch experiences of my life. Stay tuned.

Off To Mexico

I am off to Mexico tomorrow for the holidays. It's good to get out of the country. Get a clear head and come back ready than ever for 2009. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (or as Rudi says "Happy New Jersey") to all. I'll see you in 2009... unless I don't like you.

A Girl's Best Friends

My dogs are fat, but I can't figure out why. Oprah blames her issues on a thyroid problem so I am going to adopt that theory.

Fred Aspagrus

I really have nothing to write tonight, but I promised myself to make an entry everyday. So I found this picture which is of a restaurant outside of Zion, Utah. Home of the Ho-made Pies and the funniest dinner a person could have. The food was horrible, but the most amusing part was there was this book in the middle of the table. It was like something you put together in elementary school. On the cover it said that it was a book of quips, jokes, and stories. It was both handwritten and typed and it had the most bizarre jokes and quotes you'll ever read. For example, on the cover it said "You know how everyone's joking about AIDS this year..." Throughout the dinner we kept reading off the crazy stuff inside. That's when I found the greatest joke ever. Here it is: What's green and dances? Fred Aspagrus. I couldn't figure out what was funnier... how horrible the joke was or the fact they couldn't spell asparagus.

A Man Named Mohammed

A man named Mohammed told me I was beautiful today and wanted my number. He looked like Apu, works at JC Penney, and looked about 55 years old. Hey... I'll take a compliment where I can get one nowadays.

Reality Bites

I always wanted to be on a reality show. It seemed like such a great way to make some quick money and become famous. I was always so sure that when producers saw my audition tape, they would cast me immediately.

This is the video my friend Katie and I made for The Amazing Race. We never got a call.

E.T. Phone Home

This is my sister Annie. I think this picture captures her spirit exactly. She is only 14 months older than me and I guess the closest thing I can have to a twin. Together, we believe we are the funniest people alive. We talk in strange voices to each other on the phone, have way too many inside jokes, and share an affinity for Rick Astley. She's my best friend.

There are several funny stories I can think of about Annie. Here are just some of them: At the YMCA summer camp, we'd convince people she was deaf and I was her translator (I know, it's a little mean). We would choreograph elaborate lip synching routines. Our best was to the song "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins and Phillip Bailey (I was Phil Collins and she was Phillip Bailey). When we would move to a new school, we'd tell everyone Steve Martin was our dad.

But, looking at this picture makes me think of what I believe is the funniest story ever. I don't think it will translate to this blog, but it makes me laugh, and that's what's important.

When we lived in Tucson, AZ our bus stop was like a 1/2 mile walk away (it may not have been exactly that, but as a kid, it seemed damn far). It was the day of the Halloween parade at school and my sisters and I all had our costumes in paper bags. I was to be Tweety Bird, I believe. Dena , a witch. And Annie was going to be E.T. Now this E.T. costume was enormous and very elaborate. My mom made it. About half way to the bus stop, Annie's bag ripped open and she didn't know what to do. After much debate, Dena and I told her she'll just have to put it on. It seemed to be the only option. The costume was this huge body suit made of this fuzzy material. Then it had huge feet you put on over your shoes and giant hands you put on... with the super long fingers, one with the red tip. The head was enormous and you could barely see through the eye holes. So there was Annie, walking to the bus stop... full on E.T. We got to the stop, got on the bus and the kids started laughing. I still don't know how her head even fit through the door. Then, the bus driver, who was exactly like Al on The Simpsons, yelled out "No one messes with my E.T!"

I don't know why we thought the best option was to wear the costume. It probably would have been a lot less humiliating to just carry it. Or at least carry the head portion. But thank God she did put that crazy costume on, because it's the one story that, when I think of it and get that mental image, makes me laugh so hard I cry.